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The Incredible Journey of Conrad the Water Molecule (demo)

from The Laboratory Mix Tapes Vol. 1 by The Amoeba People

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about

A science bedtime story for youngsters and oldsters alike.

lyrics

About 150 million years ago, there was a water molecule named Conrad. Before I go any further, please keep in mind that water molecules do not have human-like qualities and therefore most certainly do not have names like Conrad. But for the sake of this story I ask that you imagine, just this once, that there was, indeed, a water molecule whose name was Conrad.

Conrad sat in a small pool of muddy water. He had fallen during a rainstorm from the sky and had not yet evaporated.

At approximately this time, a brachiosaur lumbered over to the small pool of water, craned down its long neck, and drank generously from the puddle.

Conrad soon found himself in the dark insides of the brachiosaur.

“This must be an esophagus,” said Conrad. “I’ve always wanted to see an esophagus.”

I would like to remind you that Conrad could not speak or think, and therefore the idea that he would even know the word “esophagus” is highly improbable, but again, for the sake of the story I ask that you set your objections aside.

Conrad soon found himself traveling farther down into the brachiosaur’s stomach.

“This must be a stomach,” said Conrad. “I’ve always wanted to see a stomach.”

Conrad traveled down even farther.

Here’s where things get speculative. There are no fossilized remains of a brachiosaur’s digestive tract, so when I use the word “kidney” in the next part of the story, please understand that we do not know if brachiosaurs had kidneys.

Next, Conrad traveled down into the brachiosaur’s kidney.

“This must be a kidney,” said Conrad. “I’ve always wanted to see a kidney.”

Conrad soon found himself in a large bladder with many other water molecules, and lots of sediment.

“This must be a bladder,” said Conrad. “I’ve always wanted to see a bladder.”

From there Conrad traveled down into the brachiosaur’s urinary tract.
“This must be a urinary tract,” said Conrad. “I’ve always wanted to see a urinary tract.”

Suddenly, without warning, Conrad felt himself falling rapidly as if in a violent stream and fell straight down to the ground with a massive splash.

150 Million Years Later

Two youngsters, a young lady and a young man, were in line at the drinking fountain. It was the young man’s turn to drink and recess was almost over.

“Hurry up!” said the young lady.

But the young man said, “I’m going to keep drinking and drinking until the bell rings and you won’t get anything! Haha.”

The young lady was thirsty and knew that the young man would drink water until the bell rang just for the satisfaction of knowing that she was thirsty and wouldn’t be able to have a drink. He was that kind of young man.

But then she remembered what they had learned in science class earlier that day.

“Fine,” the young lady said to the young man. “Go ahead. The longer you drink the more chance you have of drinking dinosaur urine.”

“What?” the young man exclaimed.

“Weren’t you paying attention in class?” the young lady replied. “At some point, if you drink enough water, you’re bound to drink some that was swallowed by dinosaurs, and urinated out by them too.”

The young man spit out the water that was in his mouth, stared at the young lady with a look of horrified disbelief, and walked away.

The young lady smiled, for she knew that when water molecules are evaporated they are naturally purified. The young lady drank to her heart’s delight with just enough time to quench her thirst before the bell rang.

But she had no idea that as she was quenching her thirst, she ended up swallowing Conrad.

Conrad traveled down the young lady’s throat and said, “This must be an esophagus. I’ve always wanted to see an esophagus!”

credits

from The Laboratory Mix Tapes Vol. 1, released October 26, 2012
Written and told by Mr. Hedgpeth
Music by Jean Sibelius

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The Amoeba People Lakewood, California

The Amoeba People are musical ambassadors from the Planet Crouton, here to learn about our world, to unravel the wonders of its natural history, to study the life which inhabits it and to parse the mysteries of the human species by learning its dance moves. The band consists of Mr. Hedgpeth (captain), Mr. Jordan (navigator), and Mr. Mosley (engineer and technician). ... more

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