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The Frustrating Tale of Trixie Dee the Doubter

from Songs, Stories, and Other Non Sequiturs by The Amoeba People

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lyrics

THE FRUSTRATING TALE OF TRIXIE DEE THE DOUBTER


Have you ever heard the story about Trixie Dee the Doubter?
If you want to hear then I will tell you all about her
She doubted every fact and figure that she read
And doubted everything her parents said

Her mother was a well-known doctor of astronomy
Her father was a physicist of notoriety
Between the two they taught their daughter all they knew
But everything they said she would poo poo

Now, Trixie Dee, her mother said, the earth is round (I doubt it)
And in outer space there is no air and hence there is no sound (What?)
The sun is more than ninety million miles away
And when our planet rotates once it’s called a day (No way!)

Now Trixie Dee, her father said, it’s very plain to see
That what goes up must come down—we call that gravity
A bird must work against it just to reach the sky
And that is why we humans cannot fly

You say all this is true
I have my doubts
So should you
I doubt all night and day
And I like it that way

That little Trixie lived a life so dangerously daring
She walked through busy intersections hardly ever caring
She swallowed rocks and threw her socks at vicious beasts
And made her parents sick with fear and grief

She said, Dear Mom and Dad you worry far too much about it
You think you know so much but hmmm I seriously doubt it
And just to show you how completely right I am
I’ll prove that gravity is just a sham

She bolted up the stairway before anyone could stop her
Said father, If she plays with gravity then it will drop her!
They chased her up the stairs and past the antique clock
As she slammed the bedroom door they heard the lock

She poked her head outside the open second story window
I don’t believe in gravity, she said with arms akimbo
And in a few short moments I’ll be world renown
As the one who went up but did not come down

Soon the scene began to grow from curious to frantic
The neighbors called for help and soon the crowd was quite gigantic
The firefighters soon arrived with trampolines
And photographers from tabloid magazines

They tried to talk her out of it but she was unaffected
An expert in such matters said, “Her needs have been neglected”
And everyone who gathered watched with bated breath
To see if she would plummet to her death

She stood upon the window frame and leaped into the ether
She struck a pose and thumbed her nose at all who stood beneath her
And then she dropped so quickly that the people gasped
They watched with hands so tightly clasped
Rosaries were quickly grasped
It was a terrifying scene
She landed in the trampoline
And when she rose into the air
These words she did declare

Aye, yi, yi, yi
Look everyone I can fly!
You thought I was unwise and you’d witness my demise
But now you see me soar into the sky!

Aye, yi, yi, yi
Look everyone she can fly!
We doubted Trixie Dee but as you can plainly see
She is fast upon her way into the sky!

Her father said, Now Trixie Dee has finally reached her zenith
Yes, her mother said, I know exactly what you meaneth
She’ll soon begin a terrifying quick descent
And the only thing beneath her is cement

She started falling fast and every second she fell faster
The people’s faces turned from rosy red to alabaster
They were all so stunned they could not move their feet
As she landed with a splat right in the street

She woke up in the hospital with faces all around her
Microphones and cameras seemed to close in and surround her
And all the people gathered round began to ask
What lesson have your learned my child?
What issues have you reconciled?
The anxious public will suspect
That your are riddled with regret
For surely there’s a moral here
And now it must be plainly clear
That doubting simply doesn’t pay
Have you now seen the error of your stubborn doubting ways?
I-I-I-I doubt it!

credits

from Songs, Stories, and Other Non Sequiturs, released July 7, 2010
words and music by Ray Hedgpeth

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The Amoeba People Lakewood, California

The Amoeba People are musical ambassadors from the Planet Crouton, here to learn about our world, to unravel the wonders of its natural history, to study the life which inhabits it and to parse the mysteries of the human species by learning its dance moves. The band consists of Mr. Hedgpeth (captain), Mr. Jordan (navigator), and Mr. Mosley (engineer and technician). ... more

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