THE BALLAD OF TOSHI THE TURNIP


With the sun overhead blazin’ hot glowin’ red
And a dry wind blowin’ all around,
It was on that day, the legends say,
a turnip was destiny bound.
Her name was Toshi; she hailed from Miyoshi--
That’s somewhere in Texas they say.
She liked to ramble and roam and she was far from home
When she rode into town that day.
What did she see? but a town of celery
starin’ at her cold as ice.
They spoke real firm, tried to make her squirm
when they gave her this cruel advice:
“Let’s get this straight right outta the gate
Before you cozy up and try to settle down!
You’re nothing more than a root, so we’re givin’ you the boot
Cause, turnip, you’re in celery town!”

Toshi the Turnip ridin’ high and dry,
The last in a long line of turnip samurai.
Instead of a sword she carried a guitar,
And the celery were lookin’ for a reason to spar
With Toshi

Impervious to threats she hedged her bets
And rode on till she came to a saloon.
She took a seat without caring, past the gawking and staring
As the clock on the wall struck noon.
At exactly that time at the drop of a dime,
A figure walked through the door.
All heads turned around when they heard the sound
Of those footsteps on the floor.
It was Tombstalk McGrew and the celery knew
He was the baddest celery in town.
He stood tall and stared and boldly declared,
“I’m hunting that turnip down!”
Tombstalk’s eyes cut Toshi down to size
with a stare as sharp as a tack.
He was chewin’ straw and he laughed when he saw
the guitar on Toshi’s back.
“Who do you think you are bringin’ that guitar
into this celery town?
Let’s put it to the test and see who’s best--
I propose a guitar showdown!”
The townspeople flowed to a spot in the road
Where the duel was almost underway.
Tombstalk stood with his six-string and wood
With a voice as cold as the clay.
“I’ll play fast and faster on this telecaster
And blaze like a midnight star!
By the time I’m through I’m gonna prove to you
Tombstalk’s king of the guitar!”
The only word anyone heard
Toshi say to that vegetable vigilante
Was when she bowed her head and in a quiet voice said,
“This one’s for Jimmy Durante.”

Tombstalk began to play and the duel was underway . . .
But Toshi jumped in like a thunder clap . . .
The celery and the turnip went back and forth . . .

A silence fell like a magical spell
And the celery were speechless and numb.
For a moment or three they pondered eternity
And why this turnip had come.
But before they could speak with their minds still weak from the weight Of all that surmisin’,
Without a hint of remorse, Toshi climbed on her horse
And rode off into the horizon.


Toshi the turnip rode into town
She played her guitar and she made a purty sound
She never returned that celery town again
But the celery have never ever been quite the same since then!