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The Complicated Saga of Eggnog and Yule Log

by The Amoeba People

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1.
Uncle Pat 02:30
My old Uncle Pat, he wasn’t Irish But he spoke with an accent anyway He said he got it in the boxing rings of Dublin But in Ireland he never spent a day Every Christmas he would fill himself with eggnog And gather all the children to his side And he’d tell us how he lost his leg in battle And how an Irish soldier never lied (chorus) Uncle Pat, Uncle Pat tell a story About the grand adventures you have had There be one-legged dances for the lassies And one more round of eggnog for the lads He told us how he lost his leg in battle When his ship was blown to bits at sea There were many bodies floating in the water And the only fellow that survived was he He floated on some driftwood to an island And nearly died on that forsaken shore But dissenting voices calling from the kitchen Say, “Your Uncle Pat was never in the war!” (chorus) On the day he was finally rescued A flying saucer carried him away And they told him of their plans for domination And how the human race was going to pay But Pat took a stand against them aliens With a one-legged dropkick to the face And he sent them whimpering back to their home planet And consequently saved the human race (chorus)
2.
(chorus) Eight nights of bowling Eight nights of bowling Eight nights of bowling Eight nights of bowling Eight nights of bowling Eight nights of bowling Eight nights of bowling Ten pins, eight nights You know it’s really out of sight All the people in the alley be parting like the Red Sea They know Captain Moishe comes packing heat When we start to roll, the pins go down Then Rabbi Herschel dances to that kosher sound (chorus) A 300 score denotes another chosen victory Chaim generates some more goyim antipathy Wasting the pins in his rabbinical fashion Looking at the score opponents’ faces be ashen (chorus) Like a Judaic lion I smite every pin If you look real close you’ll see my yarmulke spin It’s not just dreidles going round and round Watch my three-holed bullet knock the pins to the ground! (chorus)
3.
Said Eggnog to Yule Log, “Let’s go play leapfrog! It’s Christmas Eve, Let’s be friends tonight!” Said Yule Log to Eggnog, “I’m through with this dialogue! We can’t be friends, Put up your dukes and fight!” And all the little chocolate Santas And holiday treats gathered round Singing, “Eggnog show him what you’ve got! Knock him to the ground!” Said Eggnog, “I don’t want to fight him. Like me, he’s a seasonal item. In a day or two we’ll both be gone; Can’t we get along?” Said Eggnog to Yule Log, “Let’s go play leapfrog! It’s Christmas Eve, Let’s call a truce tonight!”
4.
Omaha 03:10
Well there ain’t no snow on Hollywood and Vine Stars are on the ground but there’s nothing in the sky But on the banks of the Missouri River . . . Uh Uh O, Uh Uh O, Uh Uh O, Uh Uh Omaha Snow, see the snow, See the snow as it swiftly falls Glow, feel the glow, feel the glow Feel the houses all aglow There’s a wreath on each door And a wreath is a circle And a circle is unbroken And the unbroken circle makes an O An O, An O-O-O-O-O An O, An O, An O-O-O-O-O-O And the O is for Omaha That’s where the streets wear A beautiful blanket made of snow O, Uh Uh O, Uh Uh O, Uh Uh Omaha Snow, see the snow, See the snow as it swiftly falls Glow, feel the glow, feel the glow Feel the houses all aglow (solo) O-M-A-H-A Omaha! That’s right! O-M-A-H-A Omaha! Christmas night! Omaha on Christmas Omaha on Christmas Omaha on Christmas night!

credits

released November 22, 2011

Mr. Mosley: vocals, voices, bass, keyboards
Mr. Jordan: vocals, voices, drums, percussion
Mr. Hedgpeth: vocals, voices, guitars, keyboards

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The Amoeba People Lakewood, California

The Amoeba People are musical ambassadors from the Planet Crouton, here to learn about our world, to unravel the wonders of its natural history, to study the life which inhabits it and to parse the mysteries of the human species by learning its dance moves. The band consists of Mr. Hedgpeth (captain), Mr. Jordan (navigator), and Mr. Mosley (engineer and technician). ... more

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